I find that I am still bitter and angry at someone who hurt me a great deal in the past, called L. My friends are still her friends, and we do run into each other every now and again. I just can't quite seem to get rid of the grudge I'm holding against her, possibly because she doesn't even realize that she did anything wrong.

Frankly, I will be very happy when I no longer have to see her, ever.

But then I feel guilty, because sometimes I don't think about what I'm saying when I'm around our mutual friends. So, my feelings about her slip, and I say something really mean. A friend just called me on it, and asked me to not be so openly hateful. I just can't help it sometimes, because it comes out before I can censor myself.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, and I'm not sure if it's entirely about this, or if I need to up my dosage of anti-depressants. And I'm angry that I feel bad about it, too, because L deserves none of my sympathies.

I wish I could afford to see a shrink for a bit, because I really just want my issues with L to go away. I'm more than ready to move on, but I can't. I've got this burning hatred just sitting inside of me, with nothing to do, and there's not a whole lot I can think of to get rid of it.